Attachment in Relationships

Did you know how healthy our relationships are in adulthood, is established during childhood? Our parents show us what relationships should look like. According to John Bowlby, psychologist and psychoanalyst, there are 4 types of attachment. Secure attachment, anxious-ambivalent attachment, avoidant attachment, disorganized attachment. People who were able to establish a secure attachment with a caregiver in their life, are better able to establish secure relationships as adults.

Secure Attachment

A secure relationship is a relationship where all parties feel safe. Partners are able to communicate their feelings with one another, establish boundaries, and accept rejection.

Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment

A person who has developed an anxious-ambivalent attachment style may be emotionally dependent on their significant other. They often have a tendency to feel unloved and have a hard time expressing love and connection. This creates an element of distrust in the relationship.

Avoidant Attachment

A person who has developed an avoidant attachment style may grow up to feel unloved or insignificant. They struggle with expressing their feelings and find it hard to not only understand others emotions but also their own. They tend to avoid intimate relationships.

Disorganized Attachment

This attachment style is a combination of both anxious and avoidant attachment. Someone with this attachment style may behave aggressively or have a difficult time controlling their emotions.

While it isn’t completely necessary to establish your attachment style to have a healthy relationship, it can be helpful to discuss and identify strategies that can help you grow in order to have a secure and lasting relationship.